


Six Years, Two Decades

by castiel52



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Love, M/M, POV Second Person, Pining, Song fic, childhood crush, mentions of Balthazar, mentions of the Winchesters, obvious by westlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel52/pseuds/castiel52
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You stood there silently with a smile, trying to remember how you ended up where you are now. You are fiddling with a silver band on your ring finger, twisting and turning it, making sure it’s real and not a silly dream. Your heart beats fast in your chest as your face turns red. You bite your lip due to shyness and to stop yourself from squealing like a silly little girl. You smiled again, wider this time, and a stream of memories flooded your head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Years, Two Decades

**Author's Note:**

> The title will make sense at some point. :)

**We started as friends**

**But something happened inside me**

 

You stood there silently with a smile, trying to remember how you ended up where you are now. You are fiddling with a silver band on your ring finger, twisting and turning it, making sure it’s real and not a silly dream. Your heart beats fast in your chest as your face turns red. You bite your lip due to shyness and to stop yourself from squealing like a silly little girl. You smiled again, wider this time, and a stream of memories flooded your head.

 

You were four when it all began, when you started harboring deep feelings for this man. He was (is) your brother’s best friend. He was (is) four years older than you, but the numbers were of no import to you. He was the youngest among three brothers and was happy taking the role of another older brother to you. He and Dean always took good care of you. They never let you out of their sight and they’re always prepared to hurt anyone who brings you harm. But you know that wasn’t exactly the time you had feelings for him, no. It was the time you got lost in the woods because you were too stubborn to listen to them and quickly snuck off.

 

You can see it clearly in your head, it was almost nightfall and you couldn’t help the tears falling from your eyes. You silently sobbed and curled up in a ball. You were feeling the cold air wrap around you and you heard your poor stomach rumble. You started choking and wanted to scream but couldn’t find the voice to do so. Then, you heard leaves crunching and twigs breaking—you got more frightened. You tried to remain still and quiet, afraid it’s one of the beasts at night.

 

“Sam?” you heard a boy’s voice, an oh so familiar voice call your name. He sounded exhausted, as if he’s been calling—no, shouting—your name for a long while now. His voice has given up on him but you can still hear the great hope in his voice that somehow, he’s found you.

 

“Cas?” you asked and started to stand up but fell due to your current weakened state. Fresh tears fell from your eyes and your silent sobs became loud that it could be heard up to the campsite.

 

“Shhh. I’m here Sam, I’m here.” He shushed you as he quickly ran to hold you in his arms. You buried your face in his neck as he kneeled in front of you, soothing you by running one of his hands through your soft hair while the other remained tight on your back. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, never wanting to let go because you were just too scared. “I’m here Sammy. It’s okay, everything will be okay.” He coaxed and kept on running his hand down through your hair. You only held him tighter, as if your life depended on him.

 

“Cas! Sam!” You heard your brother’s voice break the silence around you. He sounded worried and tired, just like Castiel.

 

“We’re here Dean!” You heard him shout but he never let you go. You didn’t want him to. You just kept on sobbing, making his shirt soaked with your tears. If it was even possible, you gripped him tighter, finding comfort in his warmth and his soft body.

 

“Sammy.” Your brother breathed out when he came out. His relief was evident in his voice but the fear was still hidden somewhere. You can hear his footsteps towards you and Castiel by the sounds of the leaves and the twigs being broken. You heard a silent thump in front of you and reluctantly opened your blurry eyes a little. You saw your brother kneeling behind Castiel, right in front of your face. You can see the tears forming in his eyes. You can see his hidden fear and his extreme exhaustion. He must be wandering the woods just as long as Castiel has.

 

He raised a shaky hand to gently hold your face and you leaned into the touch. He rubbed his thumb soothingly across your temple and your eyes fluttered close, the fear from earlier slowly subsiding.

 

“Dean?” Castiel spoke. You can hear the slight tremble in his voice now.

 

“Yeah, Cas?”

 

“Why don’t you go look for Uncle John and Aunt Mary? Tell them we’ve found Sam.”

 

“Yeah. Okay.” You heard him respond as he reluctantly stood up and let your face go. “You okay on your own?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll take care of him. We’ll go straight back to camp after he calms down.”

 

“Okay.” And with that, you heard your brother’s footsteps began to become a simple drumming onto the ground.

 

Your breathing has evened out and your sobs became quieter. Your hard sobs turned to simple sniffs and you started to feel the pain in your eyes. But he never stopped soothing you, calming you, making you feel safe and loved.

 

“You okay now?” he asked you quietly as he continued with his ministrations. You nodded jerkily to assure him even though you weren’t sure yourself. “You sure?” he asked once more, feeling your uncertainty due to your body’s continues shaking. You whined in return instead and clutched him tighter, knowing how weak you are at the moment. “You’re safe with me, okay Sammy? I won’t let you get lost again.” He promised and held you as tight as you held him. He may be young but you knew how intellectual he was (is) and that he meant every word he gave you.

 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered weakly as you nuzzled his neck and sniffed lightly.

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? So don’t say sorry.” He assured and rubbed soothing circles on your back. He pulled slightly away from you and you let him go reluctantly. Your tears were still falling but not as heavily as it did before. He wiped your tears away with one hand, the hand that was running through your hair just moments ago and smiled at you. Back then, you didn’t know that he was smiling fondly at you. All you knew that time was that you love his smile, especially that one.

 

He kept on brushing his thumb along your cheek while he kept you at arm’s length. “I’ll carry you on my back, how does that sound?” he said cheerfully and let his hand drop to his thigh. You nodded slowly and you reluctantly let him go. He turned his back on you and crouched down for you to reach him. He looked at you for the go ahead to climb on him. You slowly put your arms around his shoulders and intertwined them just in front of his chest. Your legs slowly wrapped around his waist from behind him and he took them with his arms, supporting your weight for you not to fall. “You’re all set?”  He asked and turned his head a little to see your face. You nodded jerkily as confirmation and he stood up. You can see how tired he was and how weak he was at the moment through the slight shaking of his body from underneath you. But you never heard him say a thing—and neither did you. You felt too selfish at the moment to let that feeling of safety go. You were too reluctant to let the warmth of his body go.

 

The two of you got to the camp. No one was there yet. Dean must still be searching for your parents.

 

He put you down gently on a log in front of the campfire. He got up a little to sit beside you and brushed your hair away from your face. Your hair was short but not the bangs that hang on your face.

 

“C’mere Sam.” He said and pulled you up so you could sit on his lap. You remember sitting on your dad’s lap that way when you watch TV, you remember sitting on your mom’s lap that way whenever she’s teaching you something new. You also remember sitting on Dean’s lap that way whenever he has new games to show you. But at that moment, you were sitting on Castiel’s lap because you were hurt and you needed some comfort.

 

One of his arms wrapped around your waist, his palms resting on your stomach, while the other ran through your hair. The action made you lean onto his chest, slowly feeling the exhaustion and being lulled to sleep. But before your eyes actually shut, you heard footsteps. You knew at that moment that they were your parents and your brother. Your eyes that were starting to flutter close snapped open. You looked around and saw your mom and dad and Dean walking quickly towards you and Castiel. He stopped with his ministrations and guided you a little to a standing position. Your mom was the first one to get to you, followed by your dad and Dean.

 

“Oh my god, Sammy.” Your mom cried and embraced you tightly when she kneeled on the ground so you two were at eye level. Your dad wrapped his arms around you and your mom, he too was crying. Dean was the last one and he simply put a hand on your shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry Uncle John, Aunt Mary. I should’ve watched him better.” You heard him mumble.

 

“Castiel, son, it’s not your fault. It was no one’s fault, okay?” your dad told the young man who found you in the woods.

 

“But…”

 

“No buts. Sam could still find away to get away no matter what.” Your mom interjected. You knew it wasn’t his fault. You knew it was yours for being stubborn and wanting to prove to them that you were enough of a big boy like your brother and him.

 

“Okay.” Was the quiet replied you heard from him.

 

“Thanks Cas, for finding Sammy.” You heard your brother say.

 

You wanted to thank him as well but you couldn’t find the words to say. You just kept quiet in your family’s arms, hoping that he knew how thankful you were—for the finding you, for comforting you and for taking care of you.

 

 

**Now I'm reading into everything** ****  
But there's no sign you really like me, baby  
You don't ever notice when I’m turning on my charm  
Or wonder why I'm always where you are  
  


After the incident of you getting lost in the woods, you found out you kept on seeking his attention. You wanted to spend more time with him than you usually did. You wanted to stand closer to him than you usually did. You wanted to talk to him more than you usually did. You simply wanted him more than you usually did, period.

 

You didn’t have a name for what you were feeling for him until your fifth birthday, exactly eight months after the incident. It was your brother Dean who gave the name to you.

 

“Sam, do you have a crush on Cas?” Dean asked one time you two were alone walking to Castiel’s house to hang out. You caught on your brother’s teasing tone but still furrowed your brows because you didn’t know what a crush was.

 

“What’s a crush?” you asked, truly confused.

 

 “It’s what you’re doing, I guess.” Your brother shrugged. “You always stand so close to him. You always act cute in front of him. You also love touching him. You talk sweetly when you talk to him and you’re always so happy when you hear he’s name or know that he’s here or whatever. I don’t know. You just seem to want him more than you did before.” He explained to you and that was then it dawned upon you that _maybe_ you were crushing on your brother’s best friend.

 

“Oh.” Was your lame response. You thought for a while and suddenly thought that perhaps you and your brother were wrong; it couldn’t be a crush. It must be more than crush. It was because you decided you wanted to marry him. “I don’t think I have a crush on him Dean.” You replied and looked at your brother. “Maybe it’s more than that. I want to marry him.” You finished your statement and your brother’s eyes widened with the words you spoke.

 

“Seriously?” he asked rather exasperatedly. “As in… like mom and dad marry?”

 

You thought for a while, thinking why your brother sounded so surprised and taken a little aback. Of course marry him like your dad married your mom!

 

“Yeah.” You replied, always so sure of yourself.

 

“Um,” your brother stuttered and rubbed the back of his neck, looking down on the ground. “Okay. Are you gonna tell him?” he asked you when he made eye contact once more.

 

“Should I?” You asked curiously.

 

“Um. I don’t know. Maybe we just have to see if he has a crush on you too. But if you want to, I guess you can tell him.” Was your brother’s awkward response as he rubbed the back of his neck once more.

 

“Okay. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him that when I’m old enough, I’m going to marry him in a pretty church and then we’ll have lots of foods and friends. Then we’ll have babies like mom and dad have us! We’ll name ‘em Michael and Raphael because they’re super awesome angels! Cas says so!” You told your brother gleefully that he couldn’t help that smile on his face.

 

“Okay Sammy. You tell him later, okay?” he told you with a smile.

 

“Cas!” you exclaimed and ran over him when you saw him by their front porch, waiting for you and your brother. You embraced him tightly as you usually do nowadays and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you.

 

“Hello Sam.” He said and you can hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Will you marry me when we’re old enough and then we’ll have little babies, ‘kay?” you exclaimed when you pulled away a little from him. He has his eyebrows raised and his expression was unreadable. You saw him glance up for a while before giving you his attention once more.

 

 He smiled at you and crouched down a little to be at eye level with you. “Okay Sammy. I’ll marry you when we’re both old enough, okay?” he told you with a smile. Then, he moved his hands to the back of his neck. He removed the necklace he always wore and wrapped it around your neck. “There. So you’ll never forget the promise of marrying me.” He said with a smile which made you grin giddily. You gave him a light peck on his mouth, something you saw your mom did with your dad before. His smile was bright and sincere that you just couldn’t help but stare at his beautiful features.

 

He ruffled your hair affectionately and stood up straight. You’re now almost on his shoulders. You wrapped your arms around his waist once more and he wrapped his around your small figure. He ruffled your hair once more and lightly pushed you away so you could all get inside his house.

 

You know very well now what a crush is and observed him better this time, looking for signs he has a crush on you too. But time passed and it has been six months since you asked him to marry you. When he told you that he would, it was the first and last sign you thought that would say that he felt the same. He just acted the same towards you and never as affectionate as that day. You’re not really sure if he took you seriously or he was just sparing your feelings. But you knew you just wanted him so you kept on using your little boy charm on him, maybe he’ll develop a crush on you too. You kept on being in his personal space. You didn’t leave his side when you’re together and you always did your best to be where he was.

 

  
**I've made it obvious**  
I've done everything but sing it  
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)  
I'm not so good with words  
Since you never noticed  
The way that we belong  
I'll say it in a love song  
  


It has been five years since the day you told him you wanted to marry him. Nothing really changed. You still felt exactly the same. Well, almost exactly the same because your crush on him got stronger. You worry when he’s sick, you feel an ache in your chest whenever you see him with a girl being too close to him and you feel incomplete without him by your side.

 

One time, you overheard a conversation between him and your brother.

 

“Are you sure he still has a crush on me?” You heard him tell your brother.

 

“Yep. Pretty much. He still doesn’t stop talking about how awesome and how smart you are. It could’ve been annoying if he wasn’t so cute when he says it.” Your brother responded to him. There was a long silence after that and for a moment there, you thought the conversation has ended.

 

“I think he’s mistaken crush from simple high regard.” You heard him say. He sounded a little tired to you and you felt like you wanted to run to him and tell him that he’s wrong and right at the same time. He’s wrong because it wasn’t simple high regard. You don’t just look up to him like he’s your hero, the way your dad was to you. But he was right at the same time because your feelings weren’t exactly a little crush anymore. It has become more than that throughout the years. You haven’t got a name for that emotion then but you knew you liked and hated it at the same time. You liked it because it made you feel warm and content inside. But you also hated it because you sometimes felt something hurt inside your chest when he gives his attention to other people that weren’t (aren’t) you.

 

You didn’t listen to the rest of the conversation but did make a vow that you will prove to him that you didn’t just look up to him. You vowed that you would prove to him that you were (are) right for him and not those girls and boys that run after him. You vowed that you will make good of your promise five years ago—you will marry him.

 

After that, you started keeping a part of your allowance weekly so you could buy something for him. That was what your dad did for your mom when he had a crush on her back when they were younger; or so you were told. You’d buy him a rose, a little teddy bear, a book he liked, a bracelet, a necklace and all sorts of stuff your dad said he gave to your mom. You even wrote poems for him when you ran out of budget.

 

You bought him things that you knew he would like until his birthday came. He made you stop buying him stuff because he felt embarrassed that he couldn’t give you anything in return. You would have argued with him, you would have told him you just wanted to give him something without anything in return. But of course, you didn’t. You followed his request but made him promise that he would still accept gifts from you. But gifts that were not bought from stores but gifts that you made. He agreed and you thought of learning how to play the guitar and a piano. You’d now rather sing to him since he doesn’t really encourage being given material things.

 

Two years passed and you kept on writing songs for him but only few were actually played for him. As you got older, you realized that what you started to feel two years ago was love for him. It wasn’t the same love you used to feel for him. It wasn’t friendly love anymore. It wasn’t even brotherly love like you felt for your brother. You found out that you were (are) in love with him; romantically like a married couple. You also found out that a man being in love with another man is not entirely accepted. You found out that being in love with a man is being gay. But still, you vowed on trying harder for the promise of marrying him to actually happen.

 

In those two years, he had a girlfriend named Anna. You hated her so much that you never stayed in the same room as her. You glared daggers at her when she’s at close proximity. You never regarded her presence and you spoke with poison in your mouth when she asks you something.

 

Anna wasn’t exactly oblivious to your cold treatment towards her. She knew automatically that you hated her. The thing that really got her confused is why you hated her. You knew she was (is) a nice girl. She was (is) also one of the brightest students at school. But she didn’t know you had feelings for her boyfriend; that you have been in love with her boyfriend for two years now and was crushing at him for around six years. Well, she didn’t until she and Castiel broke up and she finally confronted you.

 

“Sam, I know you don’t like me but I don’t know why.” She said, looking helpless in front of you. You scowled at her for even talking to you.

 

“Why do you care?” you asked her as you crossed your arms over your chest. You were still as stubborn as you were back when you were four.

 

“Because,” she started and sighed. “I know how important you are to Cas. Yes, we’re done but only because I know time will come that he’ll have to choose between _you_ and me.” The words she spoke got your frown deeper but somehow a little giddy inside. It may be possible he’d choose you over her.

 

“What do you mean?” you asked her slowly.

 

She sighed helplessly. “Somehow…” she started and looked down on the ground. You saw her wet her lips and looked back at you with sad eyes. “I love Cas. I really do. But somehow, even when we just started dating, I knew we’d hit the ground at some point.”

 

She was silent, as if that was all there was in the conversation. But you were (are) a smart boy. You knew there was more to it that just that.

 

“Care to elaborate?” You said and gestured for her to proceed. She sighed once more.

 

“I know he likes me.” She continued but hesitated for a while, wetting her lips once more. “But I know that when time comes that he has to choose between you and me due to your fury over me, he’d choose you. Not me.” She finished with a sad smile. “That’s why I decided we should end it. End it earlier so we can still be friends. So please, Sam, you at least owe me an explanation to why you hated me so much.” She told you tiredly. You know she did nothing wrong. The only mistake she did was taking him away from you. It wasn’t even intentional.

 

You sighed and looked down on the ground. You let your hands fall on your sides and pursed your lips. You thought for a while on how to explain it to her. You decided on being direct. “You took him away from me.” You said with a frown and looked back at her. You knew your eyes were explaining the words you just muttered because realization seemed to have hit her when her eyes widened and her lips parted slightly.

 

“You’re in love with him?” she asked, her voice rising up a few notes higher as her eyebrows rose up to her hairline in disbelief.

 

Your eyes shut and your frown deepened. You simply nodded because that was all you could do. You didn’t have any idea what her expression was or what she was about to say next.

 

“Okay.” She said calmly. “Okay. Well, best of luck for you then.” What caught you off guard was the sincerity of her voice. She wasn’t being sarcastic neither was she challenging you in any way. You opened your eyes and saw the sincerity in there. You couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t mad at you. You know you basically ended their relationship a little earlier than it should have.

 

“Why aren’t you mad?” you asked the question you’ve been thinking.

 

“Because I know how young love feels.” She said simply with a small, sad smile and walked away.

 

A year later, he had a boyfriend named Balthazar. Castiel having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend had your hopes up a little. At least you knew he could actually swing that way; it hurts but it still made you hopeful. But their relationship didn’t last that long. They ended up being best friends. Balthazar became an addition to the usual Dean-Castiel duo and became a Dean-Castiel-Balthazar trio. You knew that all three of them swung both ways—your brother having the most flings, followed by Balthazar and then him. But Castiel having the least number of flings didn’t exactly mean he didn’t have many. You usually threw a fit whenever a girl or a guy flirts with him and he flirts back. He never noticed this because he was a little too busy. But you never stopped the things you used to do for him—the song, the poems and the gifts. You’re still hoping for that promise to actually be fulfilled.

 

  
**I've heard you talk about**  
(Heard you talk about)  
How you want someone just like me  
But every time I ask you out  
(Time I ask you out)  
We never move past friendly no,no

**And you don’t ever notice how I stare when we're alone** **  
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone**

 

A few more years have passed and you were finally eighteen. You were (are) then very much aware of your feelings for him. You love him. You were (are) in love with him that you were (are) willing to give your life up for him.

 

After a few days of practicing and mustering of courage, you finally decided you’d take him on a date. But luck was never on your side.

 

You knocked on his apartment door nervously. You were wearing your best shirt and your lucky jeans. You had your hands behind you like a good soldier with a white rose being held. You let your hair grow because he told you a little back that you looked cute with a slightly long hair. You kept on swaying in your place. You were biting your bottom lip and your thumbs were twirling over the other behind you. Your eyes were cast down because you felt too nervous. Suddenly, you heard footsteps on the other side of the door. You looked up just in time with the door being opened.

 

“Hi Sam.” He greeted with a smile when he saw you. You looked down at him with a smile. You were now taller than he was. But your smile faded slowly when you took in his appearance. He was slightly panting and was half naked. His hair was in a more messed up style, as if someone has been clutching it. The button of his jeans was undone but the zipper was still intact. There was an evident bulge on his pants. You wet your lips and looked back at his eyes. You tilted your head a little to have a glimpse of the room. You saw a man who was down to his boxer shorts. You felt the pain in your chest once more, the pain that was there during the time of Anna. You felt your blood run away from your face and had a feeling you were starting to go pale. You felt sick and a little sting in your eyes. You wanted to cry. “What are you doing here?” he finally asked the question you just started to dread.

 

“Nothing.” You croaked and removed eye contact from him. It was different seeing him actually engaging in anything sexual than just knowing that he’s actual doing anything. You swallowed hard but nothing came down your throat but air. Your mouth was dry, too dry to even mutter a single syllable. “Uh,” you started awkwardly, not exactly knowing what to say. Your brain has shut down after seeing his appearance. “I came to give you this.” You said dryly as you handed him the rose you were holding behind you; the rose you were supposed to give as a present for your first date with him.

 

He eyed the rose and your extended arm for a while and looked back at you. You can see his confusion and the silent battle in his mind if he would accept the gift. You wet your lips one last time when you felt the stinging hurting more and shoved the rose in his hand. You quickly turned away and ran out of sight. When you reached the corner of the building, you leaned on the wall for support and slid down on the ground. You felt water flowing on your cheeks. You tried to wipe them away but they just kept on coming. Your body started to shake and you couldn’t stop the hard sob that came out of you. You wanted to scream and just hit something, anything! You haven’t cried this hard since you got lost in the woods.

 

A few weeks passed and you tried your best to act as if nothing happened. It was doing well because he never mentioned it. The pain in your chest though was tightening even more. You still felt like crying whenever the image of him standing in front of you half naked and knowing that he was doing something with that man.

 

Things got a little better for you though one night.

 

“You know Sam, I wish at least one of the people I’ve gone out with was like you. Sweet, caring, smart, thoughtful and friendly.” He told you with a smile one night as the two of you sat at the back of his pickup truck. It was only the two of you because the other two of their trio were busy at school with their Master’s Degree.

 

“Why don’t you go out with me then?” you asked him bluntly but suddenly realized that maybe you shouldn’t have. You wanted to take it back because he laughed a little, his nose scrunching up a little and his face forming a sincere smile.

 

“Yeah. Maybe I should.” You were very much aware of the humor in that tone. You knew he wasn’t serious at all but you still pushed the issue.

 

“C’mon Cas. Just a few dates then let’s see where that takes us.” You told him, trying to put on a slight humor.

 

He simply smiled at you and shook his head lightly. He looked back at you with a smile and sighed loudly. “Okay Sammy. Let’s try.” He said half heartedly. He hasn’t called you Sammy in a very long while now. You hate to admit it though, you liked (like) it when he calls you Sammy. It made him more special. It made you feel closer to him.

 

He made good on his promise and the two of you went on a date. He picked the place but you insisted on paying. You saved up for this special occasion and you never really planned on messing it up. Everything’s perfect; you looked good, the place was beautiful and most importantly, he was (is) beautiful.

 

You didn’t (don’t) know if he even noticed how intense your stare was. You were not sure if he understands your gestures as a gentleman. He laughs lightly at your stories and looks a little too amused to actually go somewhere else.

 

The two of you go out every now and then but you remained at a friendly status. It was like you were simply two men going out as friends, buddies. You were always just _two guys_.

 

Whenever you two go out, you just stare at him. If he has noticed it, he never said a single thing. He was just there, eating his food or watching a movie with you. You just stared and fell deeper for him and never knew it.

 

You phoned him a lot because you knew he’s alone in his apartment. You were (are) always excited to hear his voice. You can always picture his face whenever you talk to him on the phone. You never cared how late it was, as long as you were hearing his addictive voice.

 

  
**You are my very first thought in the morning**  
And my last at nightfall  
You are my love that came without warning  
I need you  
I want you to know  
  


You never needed his photograph because his face has been permanently drawn on your mind, in your heart. True that his photographs were on your bedside table and hidden somewhere in your wallet and a few were posted on your cork board. You just think of what it was that he’s doing early in the morning. You always wander if he was already awake. When you lie awake at night on your bed, it didn’t hide the pain you felt because you were always so afraid to let go of what you already have—friendship.

 

But that was actually the thrill of it. You were (are) willing to risk if it meant gaining his affection—his love. Maybe he would fall for you the way you fell for him—unexpected, without any signs of warning.

  
**I've made it obvious**  
So finally I'll sing it  
(I've crushed on you so long)  
I'm not so good with words  
And since you never notice  
The way that we belong  
I'll say it in a love song

**The love song, I’ll sing it until the day you're holding me** ****  
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong  
I more than adore you but since you never seem to see  
  


Time passed and your status between each other never changed. You were (are) his friend and he needed you that way. You were happy and content. At least he was never in pain.

 

You were turning twenty eight when you finally decided to admit to him that you have always been dead serious about what you felt for him. You were prepared to finally be the man he needed. You were finally too serious about telling him that you have been in love with him for the past eighteen years without even expecting anything. You were prepared for the rejection that could come with your confession.

 

You spent a good week of planning on how to confess to him. You asked for your brother’s assistance.

 

“Well, I never really thought you never got over that stupid crush on him.” Your brother told you when you went to him for help on what to do to properly confess to him. “Well,” he started and rubbed the back of his neck and averted his gaze. “I know that you still have the necklace he gave you when you were five.” He started hesitantly and looked back at you. “Why don’t you try singing him a song? And when I say sing, write your own. Write everything you did and his response to those. Then walk up to him and tell him that you actually remember the necklace from when you were five. Be sure to wear it when you sing though. It adds a little more effect. I guess.”

 

With Dean and Balthazar’s assistance, you were able to find a beautiful place you could take him to. You strolled for a while. The two of you reached the little stage Dean and Balthazar have prepared for you. You asked him to sit on the only chair in the place. You told him to listen very carefully to the words because it was all so real. He looked confused but did as what was asked of him. You took your place on stage and went to the piano. You started playing the song you made for him.

 

The song you did was (is) filled with emotions. You knew what you were saying through the music. You told him your feelings for him and how sincere and true you were to what you have said. The song was (is) the story of your love for him.

 

Your song has come to an end and he was simply stunned to actually say anything or to comprehend whatever it was that happened. He just looked at you straight in your eyes and slowly stood up. You showed him the necklace you gave him years ago which hung on your neck. You never really removed that necklace because it was (is) special. It was the promise the two of you made; that the two of you would marry each other in time.

 

“Cas,” you started as you closed the small distance between the two of you. “So, remember this?” you asked him and showed him your most treasured possession. He nodded slowly. “Okay. When I told you that I wanted to marry you one day, I wasn’t kidding and neither was I mistaking crush from simple high regard. Though I must admit, when I turned ten, I did stop having a crush on you because I started to fall for you.” You said and tried to make your point. He was just there, staring into your eyes. Those blue eyes looked like they belonged to heaven.

 

“Cas.” you hesitated for a moment because you were too frightened at the thought of rejection no matter how prepared you thought you were. “Will you go out with me? As in, date-date. Not, friendly-date.” You said and for a moment there, you thought he’d reject you nicely. But then, you felt his lips crash onto yours. You kissed him passionately and he kissed you with just as much passion.

 

You broke off for air and rested your foreheads against each other. He was breathing heavily but you could see the joy in those beautiful blue eyes. “So, was that a yes?” you asked for confirmation. He simply smiled and touched his lips to yours one last time.

 

You are now thirty years old and are still fiddling with the ring on your finger with a fond smile. Your smile widened when you felt his arms wrap around you.

 

“You’re not changing your mind, are you?” he asked you, his head was buried on your back. You slowly turned to face him and you pulled him to your chest with a smile. You leaned back on the counter that was now behind you. He tilted his head back to see your face.

 

“Why the hell would I change my mind? I’ve been wanting this for a very long while now. After crushing on you for six years and being in love with you for almost twenty years, do you really think there’ll be someone or something to make me change my mind?” you said with fondness and kissed his lips passionately. He gladly responded with a smile.

 

At that very moment, after pining for him for almost twenty four years, and being with him for two years, everything just felt right and amazing. It was as if you never sulked over him for twenty four years. It was simply as if you had six years of adolescent crush on him and two decades of deep mature love for him.

 

**Since you never seem to see** **  
I'll say it in this love song**


End file.
